2013-11-06

Some Assembly Required
— a poem by Brad Rose

Read these instructions carefully, all the way through, at least once, before starting. 
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
Unpack and identify all the parts listed.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
Using the flat headed rail bolt, start two rails from the shore anchor.  Do not force the bolt, as you may strip the threads. 
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Fit a suitable 60W ES GLS light bulb or 11W energy saver light bulb. Do not exceed the recommended wattage, as this may cause damage to the light fitting.
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
Line up the 2 pins at each end, so that they are in a vertical line straight up, push bulb up into the pin socket, but don't force it. Do both ends at the same time..
And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
To set chronograph, pull the crown until you hear a click sound. Rotate it clockwise to set the correct date. Rotate it counter-clockwise to set the day of the week. Pull the crown out further until there is a click sound. Rotate it clockwise until you have the correct time.
And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
Repeat this step on the opposite side.
And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
Install any other fittings as per manufacturer's directions.
And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
Click Calendar Settings. Select the General tab. In the Country section, select your country
In your current time zone section, select your time zone. Click Save.
And God said, Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
Release the water by pushing up on the release valve with your finger and a paper towel.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
Place the grass catcher bag hanger hooks into the opening on the chute cover to allow the hanger hooks to attach to the rod,  which secures the chute cover.
And the evening and the morning were the third day.
Cut the horizontal spacers for each so that they fit inside the vertical perimeter channels.
And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years
Place the cylindrical nuts in the holes near the lower bracket, with the Phillips slots facing up for each nut.
And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
Paint all of the screw heads white to reduce their visibility.
And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
Insert the compact fluorescent bulb into the socket, as shown.
And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth.
Remove the shade ring from the lampholder, place the shade over the lampholder and refit the shade ring.  Tighten to secure the shade in place.
And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
The order of these instructions is not particularly important. Take your time -- you can do this!
And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
Bring the bases together and slide the locks from one side, into the locks on the opposite side.
And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.
Put the safety “on”, remove the magazine, then pull and hold the bolt handle completely to the rear.
And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
Check the chamber and action to be sure there is NO AMMUNITION! Do not lock the bolt to the rear, let it move forward and close. Do not pull the trigger, the hammer must remain cocked.
And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.
With two-point control established, rod tip down and slack removed, the line hand animates the fly by stripping, in line, in a wide and varying array of combinations
And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
There is a high incidence of poorly designed and out of date assembly instructions. The problem is that it is difficult and expensive to design assembly instructions that are easy to understand and follow.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
Attach the wheel by snapping the wheel connector to the bars from the inside, then snapping the wheel on. The wheel should line up with the tunnel opening so the hamster can move from the wheel to the tunnel.

And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
T-bar posts are easy to install, and heavy duty T-bar posts have good durability. T-bar posts do pose a risk of injury to some animals (such as horses). There have been reports of large animals impaling themselves on these posts. There are caps that can be purchased to lessen the risk of such injuries.
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
Attach the hands to the mannequin arms in a natural position before trying to attach the arms to the body.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Lift the arms upward and remove them. Place a blouse or shirt on the mannequin by sliding it over the head or wrapping it around the back and buttoning it closed.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Make sure to completely roll the condom down to the base of the penis. Make sure the roll is on the outside.
And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
 
Place the seeds in the furrow at the spacing recommended on the seed packet, and use the back of a rake to cover the seeds with loose soil.
And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

Place the individual pieces in a re-sealable freezer bag or an air-tight container. To avoid freezer burn as much as possible, place the food into freezer bags, then into a plastic, air-tight container.
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
Your results may vary.


___
Brad Rose was born and raised in southern California, and lives in Boston. Brad’s poetry and fiction have appeared in: The Baltimore Review; Off the Coast; Third Wednesday; The Potomac; San Pedro River Review; Santa Fe Literary Review; Barely South Review; Right Hand Pointing; MadHat Lit; Sleetmagazine; Boston Literary Magazine; Monkeybicycle; Camroc Press Review; Short, Fast and Deadly; and other publications. Links to his poetry and fiction can be found at: http://bradrosepoetry.blogspot.com/  His chapbook of miniature fiction, “Coyotes Circle the Party Store,” can be read at: https://sites.google.com/site/bradroserhpchapbook/   Audio recordings of a selection of Brad’s published poetry can be heard here: https://soundcloud.com/bradrose1

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